My Favorite Parenting Books (So Far)
Books I've read and loved along the way of raising a little woman.
It feels wild to have an 11 year-old. I think of my parents and how they are still engaged in my sister and I’s lives, and I understand there is no end to parenting. And yet, 11 years on the job is nothing to sneeze at. I am always worried about what’s next, but there’s also a confidence about me. Most days I amaze myself at my ability to look unflappable in the day’s crazy situations. It somehow seems like the situations keep changing and yet I’ve done it all before.
This is a fun life chapter for me, as I’m so happy to be raising my daughter and find total fulfillment in that, while also looking at the future and feeling happy to do it all over again should the stars align. I feel naturally energetic, which is probably the vibe I hope to catch most in parenting.
What might have inspired this confidence? Days logged on the job, to be sure. I’ve also been so fortunate to be able to be exposed to great parenting literature along the way that put expert findings in my way. Maybe it’s celebrating her birthday over the Holidays, but around the New Year I feel ready to stretch and strengthen my parenting muscles in hopes of making the next year ahead of us even more easeful and fun.
I’m still finding great parenting books that I like, but wanted to share my favorites so far today as we all start the year with new intentions. I find these books often help me understand my daughter more and love her more deeply, making the logistical parts of parenting more compassionate and easier.
I don’t know if I love anyone on the Internet more than Gabrielle Blair, who wrote this book with her husband, Ben Blair. I have seen her children grow up online in a way that shows Gabrielle’s pride in them but never crosses privacy boundaries. This read on how such a creative but grounded couple raised their family is so inspiring, the perfect length for a flight or weekend.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
This one is for bitty babies, but I’m always amazed how we have been so lucky to have such a good sleeper in my daughter all of her life. When she was a baby, her Dad worked past bedtime and beginning at six weeks old I used this book to outline our evenings. There’s no crying it out, but children and parents who read this book who adjust to the sounds and rhythm of self-soothing babies. Every time we go to bed, at home but especially on airplanes and in hotel rooms, I’m so grateful this worked out.
I also read this in the first six months of parenting, and used it so much then although I feel like I still use it in many ways today, especially with “the pause.” This book empowered me to keep one toy in my purse over an arsenal of supplies at all times, to let myself sit on the side of the carousel or park content without being in play and to feed my little one all the pleasures of fine foods I could make for her - things that helped me love motherhood and helped Heidi thrive. If you’re a New York Times subscriber, you can see the author’s update for teenagers here.
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen to Kids will Talk
When I started my adoption journey, we started a mandatory two-day training with an incredible social worker who had spearheaded the open adoption movement. She explained that children will just come to us to work out stories all day, and the more we hold space for those conversations the more we will get out of our children as they feel safe to come to us. As for how to have those conversations, she recommended this book. I try my best to stick to the formula as much as possible, even today, and I feel happy that it seems like I am a person my daughter will tell things to.
With my job at Camp Crafty, I hear a lot of parents talk to their kids. Everyone is trying their best and I’m often grateful for knowing about this book which helped me with me language with Heidi and all of the children I get to work with. If you feel like you need something for a younger or older crowd there are also little and teen versions.
Hippie mommies of babies - enjoy this one. The best Mom recommended this and I thought it was so sweet. Having a baby in my twenties, my mistake was often that we tried to fit the new baby into our previous life instead of embracing the new one a baby made for us. There’s lots of gentle guidance here in that direction, and I remember small things like diaper changes went from unpleasant to connective thanks to this book.
I wish every parent in America could read this one right now. One of the scariest things to me is how our excess-driven culture is creating so much anxiety for our children. I found this psychiatrist’s take on modern life and its attack on family values and rhythms eye opening but optimistic.
Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen
I’ve been working through this on audiobook and feel like I get something out of it at every time. There’s a lot of discussion in here about brain and physical development and needs at the pre-teen stage that I’m watching play out in my home. I am the type of parent that doesn’t want to police or beat down discussions, but I do want to be proactive. I feel like each chapter is preparing me for something around teen life that totally intimidates me right now.
Nurturing the Soul of Your Family
I read this the summer before Heidi started Kindergarten, and worked through it those weeks. Family would come home to the dinner table and I might want to talk about our family value words or shared goals thanks to the day’s readings. I felt like it empowered me as a nurturer and strengthened our family as we got ready for the new adventure of school, and would be nice anytime in a family’s life.
As for what’s next, I have this and this in my cart.
How about you? Have you read any great parenting books that you think changed the game? Let’s share!